Family Tips

So to beat or not beat? Civilized Europe has made the following decision - not to beat! For example, in Sweden, if the police notice a bruise, bump, abrasion on a body of the child, if it is proved to be parents’ handwork, daddy and mummy will go straight to prison. The same can be told about France, Italy, England, etc.

Europe denies corporal punishments. But this denying also contains latent danger. Who can guarantee that not punishing the child physically, parents won’t start “to beat” the child morally?

And maybe, more terrible isn’t the form of punishment, but that the parents do not know enough to stop punishing the progeny?

«Be friends with your children and then everything will be Ok », - exclaim Americans.

In 80s years «School and a life» magazine published the letter of one mum who confessed: every time, when her son committed an offence, it was she, who was punished, for example, the husband deprived her of sweets, did not allow watching favorite films, etc. Son pitied mum, and the boy began to study well, learned to live in harmony with his family.

 So, how the child should be brought up? If you have exact recipes, may be you are self-sufficient?

«… Council of Europe has begun large-scale campaign aimed at prohibition of corporal punishments of children in member-countries. Council of Europe considers as such slap in the face, box on the ears, slaps, etc. The Deputy Secretary General of Council of Europe Mod de Burburikkio, supervising questions of protection of children, has emphasized that such punishments break human dignity of the child. For today only 16 countries-members of Council have taken restrictive measures in the field of children punishment (both at school, and at home). The leader by the amount of legislative amendments connected to children’s defense is Sweden… »

Do you rightly punish children for their offences? How exactly do you punish the child? Do you allow such punishment, as beating and slaps in the face? How these punishments will be reflected in character and state of mind of your son or daughter?

Becoming a dialogue with own conscience and senses, parents keep on asking a question (good, if they do it) “to beat or to not beat” (the matter doesn’t concern violence, but educational measure) a prankish child? The answer to this question is still opened. Today even more often you can hear statements like these: «Beating, as a method of education, should pass into nothingness, as it generates aggression in child’s soul», «Beating is not necessary, all questions can be solved in a civilized way».
It is curious, that some physicians assert that in no circumstances parents should whip children (mainly boys) before pubescence, because susceptibility to homosexuality is born in the process of whipping (from arising feelings).

Curiosity of the child is an important condition of world learning and is necessary for his or her intellectual and mental development.

But it is not recommended to give the child full freedom. It is equally dangerous for the child to become isolated in one subject (an extreme form of this condition is known as autism) and try to do too much at once because of inability to concentrate on something for long. In result he can grow the superficial person.

Among many interesting things in the world around, the child finds occupations, where nobody is needed for him. But usually a child needs some help of the adult. Development of child’s interest frequently depends on the reaction of an adult. Therefore it is very important not to miss it. We do not know, which interests of the child can develop in abilities, but anyway, the child should have chance to develop them.

Interest - the best motive
To cause an interest to an object of training is the best pedagogical method. Therefore the main task of parents, if they want to teach something the child, is to wake his or her interest. So, for example, instead of teaching the child how to count, it would be better to awake an interest in ciphers. Instead of teaching how to write, awake his or her interest in process of writing.

To cause this interest, it is important to create necessary conditions. For example, to have the desire to draw, the child should be surrounded with pencils and paper. It is useless to wait the child starts doing something, if there are no conditions for it. Many adults, indifferent to music or painting, can confirm that the reason of their dislike was compulsion in the early childhood or absence of conditions.

Interesting things and occupations children consider right, and uninteresting – wrong.
Special research of formation of such concepts as “it is “good and “bad”, has allowed to come to a conclusion that “good” for a child is that  is interesting and fascinating.
This connection of concepts “good and “pleasantâ€? is typical only for early age. Gradually the child gets experience, and starts to think that “good” is that, for what he or she is praised. And on the contrary, he or she is punished, it means, that he has acted badly. Unpleasant feelings are associated with concept “bad”.

Therefore instead of imposing your own understanding, you’d better provide pleasant emotions when he or she does something well, and unpleasant when it is bad.

Children start to imitate already during the first year of life, and during the second and third year they imitate knowingly, and copy not only children of their age, but also grown-ups. It is said not without reason that children are a mirror of adults. Therefore at the presence of a child, pay attention to your own behavior, especially when children are at that very most imitating age. Three-year children imitate all gestures, a manner to speak, gait, etc.

This propensity to imitation influences also emotional state of the child. The child can become nervous, having played with other nervous child, or suddenly start to be afraid of planes if his friend is afraid of them.

Imitating, the child doesn’t simply apes – these are acts of true creation. Therefore do not criticize severely and do not take it to heart not to kill the creative person in a germ.

Successes in one occupation give confidence in other ones.
It is more useful for the child to try the forces in various things with more wide range of things, than to be focused on something one. On the other hand, if he succeeds in one area, he will get confidence and will move ahead more successfully in others.

Today increase of educational and emotional loadings along with lowering of the school age leads to development of stressful conditions, and changing of routine (lack of sleep, reduction of motion activity) promotes spread among children of psychological disorders and functional deviations of cardiovascular system.

It turns out, that the child because of his or her uncomfortable state of health (physical, mental, emotional) cannot successfully master the school program. And unreadiness to school, lagging in study reduces interest and desire to study.

Besides, adults often do not know what they want from their own offspring. And absence of emotional contact with the child can result not only in neuroses, but also in keeping away from parents and searching understanding and approval somewhere else. 
However many so-called «school difficulties» and their serious consequences can be prevented if to know strength and weaknesses of the child.

Well-being of the child depends only on parents’ desire to help the child, parental love and feeling of parenthood. The school’s function is first of all educational. And parents are entirely and completely responsible for health of their children.

The child sometimes (or rather very often) considers the process of hair washing, as intrusion into his private space. It causes a conflict, as mum needs to wash hair of the kid, and the kid does not allow it, and every going to the bath-room ends with cries and tears.

How to make the procedure of washing more pleasant and painless for both mum and the child?

Give for hair washing more time so that not to hasten. The child also should be in good and quiet mood: not hungry, not tired, not upset.

Take his or her doll in a bath-room, so that the child can wash hair to a doll.

Use shampoos «without tears».

To make procedure interesting, build various shapes from hair and foam.

Give the child a cup that he or she tried to wash hair without assistance.

These are only some variants which you can use. Probably, they will help you to think up something new.

Before starting to paint, the artist makes a decision about its format. But the child is given a standard sheet of a paper and thus he or she is already deprived of an opportunity to choose.

The same attitude can be noticed in many other questions. For example, it is considered, that the child needs only special nurseries songs and fairy tales. Such absence of imagination from the direction of an adult in its turn limits imagination of the child. When the children are offered only standard sized sheets of a paper, they subconsciously learn that all pictures should be only such size, and that this is that very thing, which wants there parents and tutors.

The child sees the huge world (much more, than parents can imagine themselves) when he or she takes a pencil for the first time and finds out, that he can leave traces on a clean paper. This huge world is much bigger, than a standard sheet of a paper. And the child needs a huge sheet of a paper on which he can creep crayoning. The standard sheet promotes upbringing of the standard person, deprived of creativity and sufficient vitality.

You, probably, have faced the situation when the child goes into hysteric in a shop demanding to buy the toy which he or she has liked, and parents at long last buy it. However many experts on preschool education consider that, refusing to satisfy any desire of the child, parents do not show lack of love, but on the contrary, do it in the child’s interests. Many psychologists consider that a lot of toys around the child suppresses him and make him difficult to concentrate on something one. The child in the best way plays with one toy, thinking out various games with it. In his imagination the piece of a tree or broken lid from a teapot can turn into the fantastic house or wonderful lake. These toys will more interesting, than an expensive toy from a shop.
Thus, if you want to develop an independent way of thinking and ingenuity, do not buy him everything, that he asks.

Do not remove everything that can be dangerous to the child
Too careful mothers try to remove away everything that can harm the child. When the child starts to creep or walk, he or she is so unstable that all the time breaks vases, plucks electric wiring or slides on a concrete floor. Certainly, mothers try to protect the child from any danger, having removed everything from his way, and leaving only blunt things and that, which the child cannot move. Thus, they create almost a vacuum around the child.

An ideal order in the house can be harmful for the child, but it does not mean, that there should be chaos. Stereotypes, which are actively formed in a brain of the child, make him or her very sensitive to colors, forms, location in space.

Children perceive objects not separately, but in interrelation with each other. That in its turn promotes their development, therefore to us, adults, it is necessary to avoid drastic changes which can break child’s notion about stability and the order in the world.

Sometimes the kid starts to cry without rhyme or reason, loses appetite, and has high temperature. These symptoms can be reaction to changes of environment which the adult can not notice. In other words, any changes break child’s notion about the order. If these changes are unpleasant to the kid, he or she, naturally, reacts correspondingly.