Family Tips

• becoming sticky, impulsive, or distracted
• nervous movements, such as temporary cramps
• problems getting asleep and staying asleep longer than usual for a child
• sweaty palms
• accelerated heart rate and breathing
• sickness
• constant headaches or stomachaches

Apart from these signs, parents can usually tell when their child is feeling excessively disturbed about something.
Problems can arise, when anxieties and fears persist. When a parent hopes that the child will grow out of it, sometimes the opposite may occur and the cause of the anxiety becomes larger and even more predominant. The anxiety turns into a phobia, or a fear that is severe and persistent.
A phobia can be very difficult to overcome, both for kids and their relatives, especially if the anxiety-producing objects are hard to avoid, as may be with thunderstorms.

Try to give honest answers to the following questions:
Are your kid’s fear and the behavior typical for his or her age? If the answer is yes, they more likely will resolve before they become a serious cause for concern. You shouldn’t discount or ignore this anxiety, but it should be considered as a factor in your kid’s normal development.
Many children have appropriate to their age fears, for example, as being afraid of the dark. Most kids overcome or outgrow it.
What are the symptoms of the fear, and how do they influence your kid’s personal, social, and school activity? If symptoms can be determined and considered in the light of your kid’s everyday routine activities, correction can be made to lessen some of the stress factors.
Does the fear seem to be unreasonable in the view to the reality of the situation; and could it be a sign of a more serious problem? If your kid’s anxieties seem out of proportion to its cause, this may give you notice to seek outside help, for example, psychiatrist, or psychologist.
Patterns may also help parents. If a separate incident is resolved, parents shouldn’t make it more significant than it is.
Whatever the case, you can contact your kid’s doctor or a mental health professional who has experience in working with children and adolescents.

Parents can and should help children to develop the skills and confidence to overcome their fears and anxiety. The fallowing advice will help guide you in helping your child deal with his or her fears and phobias.

At first you should become aware that the fear is real. As trivial or even funny as a fear may seem to you, it is real to your child and it’s causing him or her to feel anxious and afraid. Try to talk about fears - words often have the power to take out the negative feeling.
Never underrate the fear trying to force your child to overcome it. The words “Don’t be ridiculous! There are no monsters in your closet!” may only force the child to go to bed, but they won’t make the fear go away.
But don’t cater for the fears. If your child doesn’t like dogs, don’t deliberately avoid them in the street. Such behavior will just reinforce the belief, that dogs should be feared and avoided.
Teach your child how to estimate fear and risk.
Teach dealing with strategies. Try the fallowing easy techniques. Using you as “home base,” the child can come nearer toward the feared object, and then return to you for safety, as a safety place. You can also teach the child some positive self-statements, such as “I can do this” and “I will be OK,” which your child can say to himself or herself when feeling anxious. Visualization and deep breathing are also helpful.
The key to resolving fears and anxieties is to overcome them. But do not let things rip, as child’s fears may develop into great problems in the future. 

As soon as possible, teach children to the responsibility for their actions.
Make the list of the things which are under the child’s responsibility, think, whether there are any more things, which children willingly will do. Encourage children to be responsible for others (to help the brother or the sister, schoolmates).
The child needs time to become more self-confident. Allow him or her to do own mistakes. Timid children avoid doing something, as they are afraid to fail, or behave incorrectly. Teach children to go on reasonable risk and to meet with failures.
The child should understand that he can meet with failures on a way to any purpose, but he is not defeated. Failure means only, that either the purpose or means were chosen incorrectly, and he should try himself in something else.
Teach children to feel comfortably alone. The loneliness can be useful as mean of self-knowledge. The child should have private space and personal time. You shouldn’t fill the whole life of a child with the planned useful activity.
The authority of the adult has, as a coin, two sides: it is an ability to create complexes, doing nothing from the about mentioned; and ability to lower shyness, supporting and encouraging the child. You can use any tactics of behavior, but consider feedback. In any case, do not neglect the child, as you will be responsible for any consequences.

Psychologists observe such pattern: the adults who have made successful career, were rather talkative children. Quiet and reticent child cannot achieve anything at home, at school, in general in the world filled with sounds of speech. If you are an interested parent, you should encourage the child to express his or her feelings and ideas. Communicate with the child at a level of his (her) growth, that is literally, bend forward to him or raise him, so that your eyes could meet easily during the conversation.
At last, be able to listen to the child and to show him sympathy even when you do not have ready answers or decisions.
When we are open and sincere in expressing of our feelings, children become sincere in their. Children began to understand: adults trust them, and they also can trust. Trust dispels apprehensions and fears of the child, that he may be rejected derided or betrayed.
Bring up in the child confidence and independence. Adults too willingly cultivate feeling of dependence at children to feel that they are required. In result “compromisers” grow from the children: «Yes, mum; yes, daddy; I will do as you want ». They become silent, passive and dependent.

Before to judge, estimate and react to behavior and actions, understand conditions that caused it. Estimate the role which you have played. Take into account also the version of the child. Remember, that the version of the adult always seems to be more convincing. Be attentive to the story and feelings of the child; sympathize with him even if his behavior is unworthy.
Reproves are better to reduce to a minimum. The more you will abuse the child, the worse he will behave. Remember, that you can only show the discontent with his separate actions, but not the child in a whole.
It is acceptably to condemn actions of the child, but not his feelings whatever undesirable they are. If they are, there is a reason for them.
Any business including study at school can cause various emotional conditions: from enthusiasm, interest, readiness and desire up to indifference and even frank disapproval.
When the child is under influence of strong feelings, his mind is not able to estimate a situation adequately. Learn children to express emotions and feelings so that they did not block their mind. Let them openly and fearlessly talk about their problems. Very often the child cannot express the feelings, but in general doesn’t know what to tell. If emotions are constantly suppressed, sooner or later the child splashes his feelings out on someone or himself.
Learn him to talk about his feelings from the first person: «I do not love(like) … I feel anger». For this purpose be open and sincere with your children, because a child will easily guess through your gestures and intonations that something is wrong.

Form a high self-appraisal – the opinion of a person about himself, generated as a result of comparison with other people. People with a high self-appraisal are not afflicted, when are criticized, and are not afraid to be rejected. The person with a low self-appraisal, on the contrary, looks lost, is excessively sensitive to criticism, believing, that it testifies his inferiority. Our children are very much dependent on the encouragements from the adults. Think over, how often do you tell your child, what he or she is talented, beautiful, clever, etc.? And may be you feel awkward when someone praises your children? But it is consider right all the time to specify the child’s disadvantages, bad habits and failures.
And now recollect you, adult: would you do better when you are criticized or when to you are complimented, let it be even unfair?
The child who doesn’t know yet his or her own opportunities, much more depends on estimation than the adult. May be this is the reason, why children so like different diplomas, pendants, badges and premiums. Such medal give them real confirmation of their opulence, stimulate for the new achievements.
Your task is to make your children feel good. For this purpose help them to find all that is good in them. From now on start to complement children for everything, that you consider good.
But remember that insincerity of a compliment is always evident. Learn to see and hear fairly everything that the child does and says. Too often we trust another’s bad opinion, expressed by child’s schoolmates, the neighbors or the teachers.

If you notice, that your child is shy, disturbing, mistrustful, suffers from loneliness, is not able to express the opinion, cannot show his talents, and is too much constrained, at any his age you are obliged to help the child to overcome these complexes.
First of all love the child and show your love to him. Need for love is one of the fundamental human needs, especially when you say the child that he is needed and he is simply good. It can be also an affable sight, a tender touch or direct words.
The known family therapist Virginia Satire recommended to embrace the child several times during the day, noting, that four embraces are completely necessary for everyone simply for a survival, and to feel good one needs eight the least. A touch in the most simple and direct way connects us with other people. It does not allow shrink into one’s shell, to feel lonely and lost. The touch gives pleasure and proves a physical reality of our existence. Embracing the child is a special pleasure, but many parents refuse to do this considering that the child has already grown up.
Make any efforts above yourself, but all the same try to come into contact with your children, especially with those who are timid. Do not hesitate to show your tenderness and allow children to show reciprocal tenderness. Otherwise regard it as your omission.
Take the child unconditionally. Not that he is beautiful, clever, capable, etc., but that he just is. Do not be afraid to tell the child: «I love you». And it is not important, how old is he and whether somebody else hears you. At that you have the right and can disapprove some of his actions and reprove him.

Many wedding couples organize such ceremonies that reflect their personality and an increasing number of them include symbols of visible sign of their love. Charlotte Eulette, National Director of the Celebrant USA Foundation has that that symbols of love enable a couple to take the invisible and impalpable - their love and devotion for one another - and illustrate these feelings in a palpable way.
These symbols can vary from traditional to dramatic or even sudden.
You will find below some useful suggestions how to easily and opportunely include symbols into wedding ceremonies.

If you have children and marry for the second time, let them join in lighting a family candle to symbolize the new bond that you all share.

Perhaps the most powerful symbols are those, which honor a family member or family tradition. Brides can wear heirlooms from their families. The most widely-spread things for this occasion are a wedding ring or other special piece of jewelry.

For a casual fun wedding, brides and grooms usually put on their favorite clothes - those that will show their true selves; they choose a favorite color, style or designer. You may also ask your friends and guests to wear your favorite colors, or choose an unusual wedding cake decorated to show your new home.

Exchange gifts showing how much you love each other. Share foods from your cultures to represent your bond to each other. Give each other roses that symbolize your feelings and love and say “I love you” and promise to do the same in the future. Sign a ceremonial marriage contract and ask your friends to add their names to the list.

Do at least a brief research into your and your spouse’s cultural traditions. Such traditions are often simple but powerful. You may make Japanese good luck origami heron or take a hint from Orthodox and Jewish traditions and pass round the ceremonial table to reinforce your marital bond. For a fun you may even jump the broom to honor the African-American heritage.

The season of your marriage may be emphasized by using blooming flowers from a garden. Your choice of a place for a wedding ceremony can be a symbol of your personalities and the values you share.